Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Weigh In...and am I obsessed?

Today is weigh day as ya'll know. And since I'm weighing in at work (for a biggest loser type of game), and at Weight Watchers I've decided NOT to weigh in at home. Can you imagine the pain that was? I've actually just left my scale at work so I won't even be tempted! I will be using my official weigh ins through the Weight Watchers scale. That way I have to keep going.

So, after my first full week of being back on the program (paying for it anyway), and doing the Shred, as well as a spin class, I lost............................

2.4lbs! Yippie! Super happy about that! I expected to see a good number since I HAVE been working my but off...and as we see, it pays!

Now yesterday I wanted to talk to you all about something. I'm not sure how to word this, so forgive me when it gets all jumbled and stuff.

I have a friend that is about 80lbs overweight. She's one of my besties. She has seen me at my highest, and at my lowest. She believes I am obsessed with my weight and comments about it ALL the time. It kind of hurts my feelings, because honestly I don't think I'm "obsessed". Yeah, I may talk about it all the time with her, but that's because I want to share my success with her and get her on the bandwagon with me...plus she my bestie, and I NEED her support. Losing weight as we all know, is TOUGH work!!!

Anyway, she informs me a few weeks ago that her Dr is referring her to have the lap band procedure as a medical necessity. She's not 100lbs overweight, so they wouldn't even look at her until her other Dr put it as that. So, now she gets to go have it done. Nice!

I was talking to her yesterday about it (wish I could find the chat) and she's all excited, and honestly I'm excited for her too. Well, up came the part of my obsession. She has to chime in that my obsession is probably why I rollercoaster with my weight - according to her material the office gave her to read up on. I was silent....I didn't know what to say. Made me question, am I REALLY that obsessed? Could this be why I DO rollercoaster? And when I say rollercoaster, I want to say that when I got to my lowest (155) I ate healthy and exercised. When stress hits we all know what way we go... but is that OBSESSION? And then it hurt my feelings that SHE would/could say anything to me about it. The anger then starts to boil. I am the one for the past 4'ish years have been kicking my own butt with eating right (thank you Weight Watchers - which equals no serious low calorie/dangerous plan) and exercising. And I do mean exercising 5-6 days/week because I LOVE it. But not crazy amounts of time in the gym or working out...just 60'ish minutes! I don't purge, I don't take meds or weightloss pills, I am HEALTHY. So what is so obsessive?

Okay...stop...do you see the anger now???? Here's a person who will sit there and say "oh but I eat healthy, and very little...I don't understand WHY I can't lose weight".... but then is still 80lbs overweight....and has the nerve to say that it's no wonder I rollercoaster! UGH! I'm still so upset from it.

Again, I didn't know what to say...and kind of just went numb. Do any of you have friends like this? I mean...she's my best friend...then why do some things she say and do HURT SO BAD?????

Moving on....I have my own cheerleaders. The Hunney and the kiddos. They support me 100%, and that matters. I'm doing this for ME, to get me healthy. And I keep on trying.

Well, it's time for the fun...

What I accomplished last week:
  • Track every single day - a big fat YES!!!!
  • Continue with the JM 30 day shred - All but 1 rest day I gave myself!
  • Get 4 folders off my desk - Nope...close though.
  • Daily vitamin - Yes!
  • Get my herb garden going - Yes!
  • Work on my new recipe binder Mom bought me for Christmas - No...overwhelmed by it
  • Read 1 day - Yes...Ali Vincent book and my WW Material
What I want to accomplish this week:

  • Track every single day!
  • Continue with the JM 30 day shred!
  • Get 4 folders off my desk!
  • Daily vitamin
  • Work on my new recipe binder Mom bought me for Christmas
  • Read 1 day
  • Stairs at work 3x/day 3x/week


Salina Lyn said...

OMG do I know what you're talking about. My hubby was the one talking to me about my questionable outlook or ideas or actions or whatever as he was sitting on the couch every night shoveling icecream and Taco Del Mar down his throat.

I don't know you personally and I don't see how you live your life outside of what you share of yourself on your blog so I think mine and everyone else's opinions from the land of blogz should be taken with the grain of salt. But!...I think your bestie needs to stop judging you so much and take a good long look in the mirror. I would never classify you as obsessed. I think it takes a lot of introspection and questioning oneself to discover what triggers our problems and how to solve them. It seems to me that that's what you've been doing. And when the people close to us see us change in ways that they envy, it makes them look at what they aren't doing for themselves. I don't know your friend either so I don't know if that's true for her but it sure sounds like a possibility.

As far as why you're on the icky rollercoaster, it doesn't sound like obsession at all either. It sounds more like you don't know how to manage your stress. I was a huge emotional eater and didn't even realize it. Then when I did realize it, I was able to stop myself in the middle of craving some crap food and ask myself if I was really hungry (when was the last time I ate?) and if there was something stressful or emotional that just happened that could have triggered the "phantom hunger". Most of the time, it was the "phantom hunger" and I was able to then do something else (read, play my guitar, call a friend, take the dog for a walk, etc.) to manage my stress instead of eat. And if I realized that I really was hungry because I hadn't eaten in 3 hours, I'd grab an apple and then plan my next meal and start to prepare it. Now I plan my meals all ahead of time so it eliminates this problem completely. And I do all the preventative daily stuff (my list of action items for success). I haven't had an emotional food craving in months I think because I'm actively preventing and managing my stress.

It sounds like you're doing all the right stuff and you're head is in the right place. Now you just need to believe in yourself and prepare yourself for the what-ifs of life so you have a better chance at success when those stresses show up.

Chances are that if your friend gets that ridiculous surgery, she's going to struggle just as much if not more than you have trying to figure out all the same things for herself. The bandaid isn't going to solve the problem if the artery is gushing everywhere.

Keep up all your good work. I believe in you.

Annie, The Amazing Shrinking Girl said...

Hey I'm your cheerleader too!

And all I can say about your friend (since I don't know her) is that it sounds like she just doesn't like hearing about it whether it's out of jealousy or anger that she can't be like you.

From my experience, people who are over weight don't want to hear about the weight I've lost unless they ask a specific question. Why? I think it has to do with the fact that they see us headed in the right direction yet they don't want to make a change for themselves. Weight-loss seems to be a touchy subject and even when people mention something positive about my weight change, they almost always do it in a curtious, not-too-sure-if-they-should-say-anything type of way. I actually had a family member tell me they were afraid to say anything to me because they weren't sure if was sick (because of the weight-loss)!

What I'm saying is, I have friends who hate on me because of the weight I've lost... even lost a friend because she would get uncomfortable seeing me!

You may have to realize that some friends just can't handle it, especially if they're overweight themselves. And it's totally understandable that you'd get upset... hell I know I would!

And it doesn't sound like your obsessed at all and I think you're friend says those things because she sees you succeeding. Keep it up girl! You're doing an amazing job!

Kyle Gershman said...

I think the other comments are on track. I would say that you aren't being obsessed. I would say that your friend may have her own issues that you can support. I would say that she needs to FIRE her doctor immediately.

I'm so FREAKING SICK of the kinds of "outs" we are designing for society.

If I have to put money down on this, your friend is the one that suggested the lap band and the doc is too lawsuit adverse to say no to it. I guess it'll depend on what insurance has to say about it.

NO MATTER WHAT and NO MATTER HOW GOOD OF A BESTIE SHE MIGHT BE, you keep on keeping on. You can't save everyone from themselves.

If it has to become a taboo topic with her, so be it. You can share all your fortunes with us.


Stephanie Michael said...

Congrats Mandie! 2.4 is an awesome loss!! Good Job this week! :)

I agree with what the other people said about your friend. I do not believe you are obsessed. It does sound like she may be jealous.

Don't let her get you down though, you are doing a great job!