Half Marathon training....

So I decided to actually start training and run a 1/2 marathon this year! I'm excited about the new training program, and actually loving it. I'm proud to report that on Sunday (2/22) I ran my first 5 miles...and OUTSIDE! I bought some new shoes, and some cold weather gear, and with a little push from my hubby... I went out and DID it! SO proud of myself!!

And then, I splurge and eat like crap. It's true. I can't tell you why I would sabotage myself this way, because I really want to lose the weight.

I guess the key is that I keep getting up from the fall and trying again. If I keep doing that, eventually I will succeed. Shoot, I already have. I've come a long way...and I'm STILL on the right path :)

Tomorrow is weigh day...and I admit of being nervous. Maybe just maybe I will see a maintain from last weeks' nasty gain...or better yet see a loss. Whatever it tells me, I MUST continue with the journey and get to where I need to be!!!!

Weigh In Wednesday

You have no clue how excited I was for Wednesday to roll around. I have stayed on track all week, even the weekend I did well. Not to mention last night for dinner I skipped the loaded with fat calories chicken alfreado for my husband's birthday. Instead I had a Smart One's entree. I made cupcakes, some without icing for me and my Dad. I worked my rear off with exercise. My jeans have even been fitting better (yes my bigger sized jeans, but a few weeks ago they were tight!). So this morning when I woke I was ready to jump on that scale. Before I stepped on though, I visualized what number I might see. I didn't want to be greedy, or unrealistic though...so I saw 164. That would give me a good pound loss. Hey, that's what I really want... at least 1lb/week.

When I got on the scale I was truly devastated to see 165.2....um, that was last week honey...this is a new week, and I need a new number. I got off, adjusted the scale to a different area, turned it on and jumped on again. This time with a frown on my face...worried. Same damn number. What the heck?? It should be less! Huh?? Needless to say I did that a few more times and gave up. Jumped in the shower and started questioning and talking with myself. I just couldn't figure it out. I deserve a good loss...a loss in general!!! What did I do wrong? Did I not eat enough? I went back through the days (in my head) trying to think if I ate all my daily points, as well as the activity points I had earned from my hardcore exercising, ooh and flex points too. Yeah, I was all good. HUH????

Then I started thinking, maybe I should try a different program? South Beach Diet is successful for some people, or Jillian's Making the Cut plan, or I have the P90X.... I decided I would just stick it out and continue with WW.

After my shower, and getting ready, I had to use the restroom. I of course out of curiosity had to weigh again. A smile came over my face when I was able to see a 1lb loss, like I deserved and needed :)

I know, I know....I shouldn't let a number be the only indication... but when you're obsessed with your weight like I am...it is important. I must see that number decesending. I've considered weighing only once a month, I'm not sure I am strong enough to do it though. We'll see....

Emotional Eating

I admit, I'm an emotional eater. I think we all are. The difference with me is that I am the opposite of most people. Instead of eating "comfort foods" when I'm depressed, sad, mad, etc.... I want to eat food when I'm happy and feeling GOOD. Um, so how do you over come that one?? I suppose this is why I still struggle.

Last night wasn't one of those "feel good" nights. My husband and I had a huge argument (*side note, we have been living in my parents basement with our 2 children - and every other weekend my step son - because our home was flooded in June. It has been 8 LONG months, and we see no end in sight)... I had planned on doing my bootcamp workout, and eat a nice snack of sf pudding with coolwhip. BUT that didn't happen. Because of the big fight I was too emotional to workout (which probably would have done me good) and I was NO WHERE NEAR being hungry.

Now, if I could figure out how to create that "mental" feeling when I want to eat comfort foods - would that work?? Or would that make me angry, mad, sad? Would I have to actually FEEL that way for the hunger to diminish? This is totally above my head...but I'm curious, and will be doing some major research to see what I can find out!

In the meantime my husband and I are still not up to par, which is a very bad and sad thing. It may be healthy for my eating, but it's not healthy for my relationship.... There's never an easy way is there?!!!!

Fighting the Fat

Greetings! This is my official first blog post. Little nervous, since I'm not a very creative writer, but the purpose and goal of the blog is for ME...to help me finally get rid of this fat.

A little history....

Weight Watchers on and off since 1995. My all time highest weight was 233. PUKE. After having my first child, and leaving the father I dropped 60+lbs. I met my husband, got pregnant, gained a bunch of weight again. After his birth I got back on WW and have lost 48lbs. I'm about 30lbs from my goal.

The past year has been a struggle though. I work out HARD 5 times/week, but still the weight sticks on. I think that the culprit is my pathetic attempt of WW. Not weighing, measuring, and journaling REALLY makes a difference. So now I'm working hard to change that. I'm hoping to push myself and see that fat finally gone by July!!!