Monday, December 14, 2015

LOL!  I seriously have to laugh.  Sigh.  I had every intention of making this blog a priority.  For no one else but me.  So I could get some feelings out that need to, to be able to vent and or whine when I need, to hold MYSELF accountable.  Yeah...I guess the month shows that didn't happen.  I never say never, and I NEVER QUIT.

I had a terrible weekend.  I cried so much.  I felt so shitty (SORRY!).  I do not feel like myself.

Here are a few reasons:

I stopped taking my antidepressant
I quit smoking 1 week ago (COLD TURKEY!)
I am at the latter half of my cycle (meaning next week AF)
I am up 56lbs
I have NOTHING to wear
My face shows all my weight
Stress from Christmas

See, everything rolled all into one big sloppy sappy ball.

I snapped at the boyfriend too many times.  I'm having fears he is falling out of love with me (past relationship history makes me feel this way).  Sigh.  He at one point says to me, "You just either want to argue with me, or bitch".  It broke me.

I ate my feelings.  I couldn't get full.  I craved crap.  And that's a HUGE reason I'm where I'm at...56lbs heavier!!!  Triple cheeseburgers, Holiday pies, Mexican, etc etc.  I started Friday off really well with dinner...but then we had a few drinks, and I snowballed the rest of the weekend.

I woke up this morning praying.  Asking God to please help me.  I want to be successful.  More than anything I want to be happy again.  I am NOT happy now.  I'm miserable.  Constantly thinking about my fat gut, and wondering how on earth can the boyfriend be attracted to me.  Sigh.  MISERABLE.

After praying I knew I had to give it my all.
Just one day.
Just one step at a time.

So today my goals have been:

Drink 120oz water to FLUSH

I am soooooo happy to say I am doing it!  I am tracking, eating healthy foods, I'm at 100oz so far, AND I WORKED OUT!!!!!!!  GULP!  I DID IT!  I will admit I didn't want to.  Almost talked myself out of it.  But I put my big girl panties on and went and did it.  I KNEW it was going to be a good mood setter... I KNEW it would help.  And it did!!!!

C25k/C210k Week 1 Day 1 = 30 mins
Leg workout from Kelsey Byers = 30 mins

HOLY COW...this workout today showed me how out of shape I have gotten.  But it also was nice knowing I ran, and I'm not going to smoke later today!  It's not counteractive!  LOL!!

I can do this.  I have done this before.  NOTHING but ME is stopping me.

Tomorrow is our Christmas lunch at work.  It's a gourmet buffet.  I will try my best.  But it's just ONE meal.  I'm not letting it derail me.  It's ONE MEAL!  I also am hoping I can motivate myself to get up a little early and workout.  If not I will try my best to workout after work.

This time of year is very busy.  We all have so many reasons why we can't workout.  I am tired of my excuses.  

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