I am worth it!

Hmmm...where to begin?  Yeah, I'm not quite sure - just that I let myself go, regained, and have been trying to refocus.  It's a daily struggle.  So I thought, maybe if I blogged again - that might help.

I am up in weight, and down in the dumps.  That's the truth.  I'm mad I would let myself go...slowly, but surely.  Once you start eating a little extra here, a little extra there, and then wondering why you aren't losing anymore..... and then stop working out and the pounds start adding instead of maintaining...yea well the light bulb came on.

Not soon enough though.

Sure, I kept trying.  Every day was a new day.  But as honest as I can get, it sucks.

It sucks having to "watch" what I eat.  Having to track, count points (or calories - yea I even tried that...oh and macros too!), say no to foods and drinks that "everyone" else gets to eat.  It sucks.

It sucks having to go home as a single Mom to 2 little men, work on homework, plan and fix dinner, do all the household chores.  It sucks.

It even still sucks when you find the "right" guy.  I mean...I still am struggling.  I tried blaming the 50+lbs gain on a happy relationship.

I blamed it on the medicine my Dr put me on.

Deep down...I know what to do.  Life is tough, it sucks, and I am the only one that can take control and make ME happy!  I'm the only one who can eat the right foods, workout, I am the one in charge.

I turned 40 on Sunday.  I was supposed to be Fit By Forty.
I didn't make it.  I gave up...gave up on ME.  How sad.

BUT you know what... now is the time.  I'm giving it my all again.  I'm trying my best to find that spark.  To find that motivation I once had.  I want to feel good about myself again.

Currently contemplating on joining  #NoFatPants Holiday DietBet.  I admit, I have played a few, and NEVER won any.  I can give you all the sob story reasons why I sucked...but why?  LOL!!!  Maybe joining one will help me stay accountable during this tough time of year.  I know I need something.  I really want to be under where I started 2015.  I want 2016 to start off on a better foot for sure!!!!  

Day by day Mandie.  Bite by bite.

I AM WORTH IT!!!!!!