Thankfulness all around

Well, as much as I hated to do it...I have decided to take a REST day from exercise! I know, I know...BUT it's for a good cause - I can't walk people! My quads are killing me like never before. So, instead of killing myself with Step Class today, I decided to make it a rest day, and kill em again tomorrow.

*FYI - this is a VERY long read. And can be a little monotonous... so you have been forewarned :)*

So it hit me a little while ago, I've never really shared my true beginning story and why I'm so thankful that the light finally came on. Here it goes...with pictures and EVERYTHING!!!

All growing up I was never the skinny gal. I hated sports, and loved food. In high school I joined the guard with the band and was fairly active and actually started dieting (anyone remember that horrid Cabbage Soup Diet where you could only eat certain things on certain days?! UGH!).

After high school I got married, to the jerk (he doesn't even deserve a Capital letter). Let's just say that it was ABUSIVE verbally and physically. When I left him nearly a year later I had put on some poundage and still clearly remember him saying "you'll always be a fatass". Ugh. That was the start of a LONG 15 years of hell and weight issues. I will always remember how thankful I was for that day our divorce was final!!!

Let me also state that I don't remember numbers...I'm terrible like that. I'm not even 100% sure I weighed back then. As you can tell my memory is a blur when it comes to that time and thereafter. He screwed my head up pretty bad. I'm sure I can dig out my old Weight Watcher membership that would say, because after I split from the jerk, my Dad made a deal with me. He would pay for me to go to WW with him, as long as I lost. When I gained, I would have to pay that week. He also gave me the deal that when I hit goal weight he would buy me all new clothes.

Well, being 18, I didn't care enough I guess. I wanted to hang out with my friends and party and what-not. So that didn't last long. Never reached goal. Quite a bummer too! I sure would've loved NEW CLOTHES!

YEARS go by, of course my weight goes CRAZY and I'm "dieting" the whole time, but again never remembering numbers (I suspect 200's?). Enter new boyfriend. We fall in love, get engaged and I work on losing some weight for the wedding. I suspect I lost about 20lbs with WW'ers and working out (Gutts and Butts classes!). After the wedding, well...who cares anymore...right?

My Dad, Me, My Bro and My Mom (with their skinny genes)

New husband and I want to have a baby...so we start trying to conceive. Ugh...NO LUCK?! I do too much research and think we'll have to go the IVF route. I'm crushed, depression hits...and the weight really starts to pile on. My all time highest (not pregnant) was 222 (that I have written down) in 1999 and 2000.



I finally got pregnant using a fertility drug, but miscarried VERY early on. New husband and I start to have serious problems. I start focusing on myself and I start to lose weight again, using WW. Dropped about 40'ish lbs before realizing new husband is a drug addict and is arrested. Talk about eye opener. My whole world is turned UPSIDE down. We were buying our FIRST home, thanks from the help of my parents, and now he's turned out to be a jerk and a druggie?!!! WOWOW! As you can guess the weight starts to roll back on, up to 217 (that I can find written). New husband and I decide to divorce. Too much deceit was there and other issues. Again...thankful for the journey, but even more thankful for the end!

In 2002 I start down the road again, and manage to lose almost 45lbs! I am on FIRE and feel wonderful. Get a new HOT boyfriend (can we say boy toy) and down another road. Eventually I find out the boy toy is um...10 years YOUNGER than me. But I have already fallen in love with him. This becomes the start of the worst relationship...even worse than the jerk. VERY abusive kid who has some serious authority issues, not to mention lack of morals. WHY I stick with this toy for so long still is a question in my head. But I got down to my all-time new low of 167!!!



Wouldn't you know that losing all that weight, and uh...having a boy toy would make it so I got pregnant?!! WOWZA! But we lost that baby, and a few months down another pregnancy. You can bet between the abuse I went through (physical), the depression from suffering 3 miscarriages and beginning to think I will never have children started taking a toll on me. I regain and lose the same oh 20lbs for some time. And then finally, I get pregnant again. This time I deliver (4/28/05) a healthy and happy bouncing baby boy (weight at delivery 233!). He became EVERYTHING to me. I can't even begin to describe how thankful I am that God decided I could be this beautiful baby boy's Momma!!!



The AH HA moment finally hit me. This kiddo will be looking up to me, learning from me, and depending on ME. 8 months into his life I kick the boy toy out and decide we are MUCH better without him in our lives. There is something wrong with a guy if he thinks it's okay to beat the sh*t out the Momma while holding the innocent little baby and the baby is screaming about it.



This began the real journey. Yes...the journey where Mandie finds Mandie. Where I learn how to take care of myself because now I am responsible for this little guy. He will be looking up to me. I want to show him that Momma can take care of herself as well as him. So now enters the new Mandie! I'm kicking butt and taking names. The boy toy continues to try and screw up my life (yes even to this day!), but the little guy (who becomes the big boy later) and I are doing GREAT on our own!!! Amazingly I'm down to my LOWEST ever to 155 (Spring of 06) ! WOWOW! I am on fire happy. For once I feel I really know what I'm doing, and really doing!!!! Exercising and eating RIGHT, making myself and my baby happy... who cares I'm a single Momma...I'm doing 100x better without the boy toy!!! I am beyond thankful that I've finally gotten my life on the right track and I'm doing a pretty good job of raising my son!


Then lo and behold the Hunney and I match up! This is truly like the sunshine after the rain. I can't even begin to tell you how different and how wonderful this guy is to me and my son. WOW! I haven't felt happiness like this ... well ... ever! We fall in love...and of course my weight stops, but at least it maintains. I'm comfortable...and oh so happy. THANKFUL.



In August 2006 I find myself pregnant again. WOW! I think the weightloss had to do with LOTS for my body!!! We're not so sure what to think and feel about this pregnancy, since we are a new couple...but we accept it. We end up having a rough patch...but again, we're a fresh couple...but very much in love. Guess who stopped caring about eating right and exercising? Yeah...me! I was so afraid I'd have another miscarriage...so I stopped working out immediately. And slowly but surely I started eating all those "bad" foods all again. I gain about 60lbs with the pregnancy and end up delivering another beautiful bouncing baby boy (5/7/07) weighing in at 213lbs. How thankful I was to again be blessed by God to be responsible for this little guy!!! I can't even express the gratitude and happiness I felt.


After my little guy comes, you can bet Momma is more than motivated to lose the weight again!!! Once the Dr gave me the okay I started working out, got a personal trainer, and really went to town! In August 2007 the Hunney proposed to me, and then I was even more determined to get that baby weight off!! We were going to become a family!!! I have never felt more thankful...wow! The guy of my dreams is going to be mine!!! I am cranking it now!




In March 2008, I got down to my pre-pregnancy LOW weight of 155 and we headed to Vegas and got married! When we returned from Vegas I ran my first ever 5k, and then my wonderful husband let me have a girls night out less than a month after our wedding...and I was on cloud 9!





Unfortunately in June 2008 our home was flooded. We had to demolish the house and start fresh. It was a LONG 10 months...and we spent it in my parents basement. It tested our marriage, our faith, but we came out ahead. We have never been more thankful for where we are now.


Well, you can imagine how tough, stressful and out of whack I went living with my parents. It was their family of 4 (my brother and his son plus my parents) and then my family of 4 all under 1 roof. Let's just say it was the toughest thing I've yet to endure. Cooking for 8 sometimes 9 and 10 when my step son would be there and my brothers other son...gulp!

Well, during these stressful times I regained 20'ish lbs. But I'm happy to report I'm back on the road again. We have been in our new home a little over 7 months. FINALLY I'm settled, and have finally found that path again. It was tough...but I'm here and more than ready to get to goal. In September I went back to Vegas when my girlfriend got married. After seeing those pictures helped me realize how I had let myself go. I'm thankful those pictures opened my eyes....because had they not, I'm afraid it was the start of where I had already been. And I swore to myself I would never get there again. I have 2 children that NEED me. They need to look up to me. And they NEED me to be healthy....

I'm in the yellow dress

So there you have it. How I got to where I am.... It becomes real clear to me when I write this where I let myself go and why. It's unfortunate. But I have the opportunity to take charge in my life and make it better. With the kiddos in my life it makes it easier. I know they depend on me.

Thanks for reading if you read this far!! WOWZA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ouch and Love

I am happy to report that yesterday I finally made it back to the gym. It had been oh, nearly a month I suppose (strenght training anyway), so I really didn't want to go. But thanks to my coworker, she MADE me go!

It was weird walking in there, that's for sure. All the "regulars" were there, and honestly they were the people I didn't want to see. I felt all flabby, and unsure what to do. I HATE going to the gym without a plan. But, I got there, cranked my mp3, and did it! Really - I DID IT! I got myself focused, sweated like crazy, and you know what... I felt AWESOME!

I'm trying something "new" and "different" this month...15 minutes FAT BLASTING workouts. So, I did 15 mins of resistance training, and then 15-20'ish mins of high interval "tabatas". This consisted of jump squats, mountain climbers, box jumps (gulp!), jumping rope, jumping jacks, etc. WOWZA! It was tough...but it was worth it. I was so stinking sweaty I sent a "sweaty pic" to someone I stalk. Ya'll must check her out... I give her the credit for motivating me to get all sweaty. I'm SO THANKFUL FOR HER!!! Thank you Prior Fat Girl! What she has accomplished, and endured...inspires me. She keeps on keeping on...and for that, I love her!!!

Now today....I can BARELY walk! I'm telling you people....OUCH! And wouldn't you know that my favorite little coworker spunks up to me and is like "we're going today - right?". Ugh... are you kidding me, I can barely walk, and you're lucky I made it out of bed and to work!!!! But...okay...fine...if I must. Today I ran 2 miles, walked 1/2, did some ab work and lots of stretching. I'm slowly working myself back up to running...and hopefully in the next few weeks I'll get to start my 1/2 marathon training I want to accomplish in the spring. If I don't start training, well that mini is going to come QUICK!!!

So there ya have it...I exercised. I'm in horrible pain...but I love it! And I know after a week or so I'll be back in full swing and feeling like myself again. I HATE falling off that wagon, it's harder to start back up than even eating right. Well..maybe not! LOL!

On to something more fun....GAG! This weeks challenge is going to be AWESOME! We get to talk about what we're thankful for! WOOHOO!!! Let me just start by saying I'm thankful for lots...so this WILL be a fun "challenge". What I'm thankful for more than anything is my love and faith in God. He is truly what keeps me sane, strong, and ticking. I may not attend church weekly, but He is always in my heart and mind. It's so fun, because now I get to teach my boys all about God's Love and his Promises. It can be tough...because I dont' know all the answers they ask, but the one thing I want them to know is that God DOES hear their prayers and loves them unconditionally. Getting us to church is something I want to work on though...as I don't have all the answers. I want them growing up with Gods Love and a church family. It's hard making those first steps though... Anyway... that's what I'm thankful for, always and FOREVER!

Ouch...gotta try and walk to the restroom...ouch!!!

Weekly Weigh In

It's that time again folks...time to WEIGH IN!!!! And, for the first time in a long time, I was actually excited and have a NEW BEST FRIEND.... Yes, that's right...the SCALE! WOOHOO!

It had been 2 weeks since I weighed, thanks to leaving the scale at work last week. Still, I busted butt and was OP all week long! Yay me! It paid off too!

Drumroll please....

The scale said - 166! That is a 5.2lb loss! WOOHOO!!!! And I'm only 1.6lbs from my "first" goal! Which I'm hoping to meet next Tuesday! YIPPIE!!!

I have lost 11.6lbs since starting the GAG challenge, and only have 11lbs to hit my goal!!!



So, I'm going to start some weekly goals to help me stay on track. Here we go...

What I want to accomplish this week:

• Journal (at least 6 days since I have a *free day* with my birthday!)
• Exercise 3 days
  
• 30 days of affirmations (I'm currently on day 4)
• Make 1 new recipe
• Paint my nails
  

What I accomplished last week:

• Journal 6 days!
• Painted my toenails
• Had a successful OP weekend
• Started daily affirmations
  

Weekend Recap

The weekend has come and gone.... and after my several month hiatus of not being OP, I finally have an OP weekend!!! Yes, that's right ya'll...I DID! I journaled, and honestly made the RIGHT choices! I ROCK :) And for once I'm super excited about tomorrow's weigh in!!!! I just know the scale is going to be my best friend!!!

The Hunney and I packed up the kiddos, the van (well and his truck and trailer hauling the race truck) and went out of town to race on Saturday. This usually is the hardest part for me. You've been to a race track I'm sure...and KNOW the food that lingers at the concessions. We made one trip, I saw the prices, and saw they had no grilled chicken (only double greasy cheeseburgers, french fries, nachos, chili cheese dogs, and FRITOS). I bought the Hunney a double cheeseburger and asked if there were a McD's near by. Lol! When the kiddos and I got to McD's, I asked if they had a Subway in town - no. Well, okay...that means I have to eat something from here. Ordered the grilled chicken, no mayo, no value meal for me :) Then we went to the gas station and I bought some sunflower seeds, baked chips, lunchmeat and stuff for sandwiches later, and we were set! I kept myself busy at the track reading, playing with the kiddos and watching the Hunney race (he won by the way - yes he ROCKS!) We ended up pulling out at 9pm'ish...stopped at the gas station for gas and a diet coke (I'd struggle without the caffeine and a 2.5 hour drive home), and then he decided he wanted White Castle. When asked if I wanted something I - amazingly - easily declined! YAY ME!!!

Yesterday my Mom and and I headed to the fabric store, and then to grocery shop. I figured if I was buying healthy groceries, it were opt for her to do the same. I'm proud to say my Mom bought some Lean Cuisines! Hey, it's a start!!!! I brought some bagged lettuce for part of my lunch (yes we work together) so she'll have that too.

Honestly, this has been such an on track weekend that I'm SUPER proud of myself. I set some goals and plans for the weekend, and though I didn't get them all accomplished, I'm proud of what I did get done.

This next weekend is my birthday, and it is a "free" day I've given myself. I have given myself 4 days throughout the next 2 months. All other days I will be a "good weight watcher", I will stay consistent with my exercising, etc. :) 4 days...what a treat!!!! So Sunday will be a treat day for me! Am anxious about it, but know every other day will be on target!!!

Here's to a successful week!

Posture problems....and my Mom

First off...yeah, 2 blog posts in one day - amazing eh?! Well, I can't help it... I just had to talk about this. My Mom has been skinny her whole life ...yeah, her WHOLE life. I've always been so jealous of her because she could eat whatever she wanted. When my parents met she could eat a Whopper, and a large french fry, plus a 2 liter of coke! WOW!

Anyway, when she went through the "change", my poor Mom started gaining weight. I'm not exactly sure how much she's gained...but 50'ish would be my guess. At the same time is when I started focusing on me losing my weight. Selfishly I never thought to include her...well, not until a few months ago, and honestly now I'm not sure how to bring up the subject. I've found myself a little "pushy" I suppose is the word. "Mom, you shouldn't be eating that...". No one likes to be around someone like that... me for one!!! So, this is something I'm working on.

Okay Mandie...back to the subject here. Today at lunch for the first time in years I noticed my Mom's posture. It was HORRIBLE and slouched! My entire life my Mom has ALWAYS sat up straight while sitting at the table...and today, she looked like ME. I'm a terrible sloucher, and I finally realized that, of course blaming all the fat. Now my Mom has been attacked by it too, and it truly saddened me.

Now is the time when my Mom needs ME... I'm the one that has struggled with my weight my WHOLE life...she needs me to help her learn about good foods. So, that is my goal...I've got to figure out how I can get her on the same path as me... Gulp! This may be just what I need to help me stay on track and motivated...for my Mom...

Weekly Update

My goal this week has been to journal and stay OP with my Weight Watchers points. Well guess what... that's exactly what I've been doing! It feels good...really good. I love feeling in control, and more importantly I know I'm going to love that number on the scale come Tuesday...I just KNOW it!

So okay...I snuck on the scale this morning (yes, I finally got it back in it's rightful place...home) and I LOVED it. I don't think I've loved my scale in quite some time.... so it was a good feeling. I did it in hopes I would love it, and then making myself work even that much harder this weekend to stay on track and be successful so that come Tuesday I will loving it even more!!! That is my goal, that is my goal.

The goal for the weekend.... hmmmm....well, of course journal and stay within my pts., plus I'm going to really try hard and get some sort of exercise in. This will of course depend on if I'm feeling up to par...but I'm hoping I will be!

Don't worry friends...next week I'll be back to my old self, no more sickies, exercising again and determined!!!!

Weigh In ... or not.

Last week I was mia because my littlest one was sicky with a horrid ear infection. Well, wouldn't you know that on Saturday morning I awoke to my throat hurting. Took some meds, lounged around...ate a good lunch...and then a few hours later I knew I was sick. I still managed to take the kiddos out trick or treating with the Hunney...but I was miserable by the time we stopped and waiting in the drive thru of McD's (which I ate NOTHING). On Sunday I was no better and knew I had strep throat, so on Monday morning I called the Drs office (7am!). They got me an appt at 8:30, so I was thrilled. It was funny though...because the receptionist said "have you been seeing another Dr?", ummm no, I just don't get sick that often. :) They tested me for flu and strep. As I was lying on the Dr table, which felt like my death bed, I worried that they would come back and tell me I had H1N1! I even had to wear one of those masks to protect everyone in the office...I wanted to be sure if I did have it, I didn't want to anyone else to get it from me. Anyway, no flu (whew), but positive strep throat. They gave me an IV with meds right there and I'm on my way to feeling better.

The funny thing though is that Tuesday as we all know is weigh day. And I was kind of looking forward to it. I felt I did pretty good all week long...so I wanted to see how good it was. But, wouldn't you know, I left my scale at work (we have a competition going on) and couldn't weigh!!!! So no weigh in this week. Here's to hoping next week is REALLY good!!!!

Here I am, still at home and trying to get better. I do feel alot better, but today I needed to get fully rested. That's what I'm doing.